Monday, October 25, 2010

Thoughts of a 30-something woman about Motherhood

Motherhood has changed me in so many ways, of course for the better don't get me wrong. But sometimes I feel dumb and dumber. I can vividly see my brain shrinking to the size of a pea. I'm too busy preparing breakfast, doing laundry, planning play dates for Beli, wondering what to prepare for dinner that I don't have the time nor energy to 'strengthen' my brain. Since the brain is a muscle, if you don't use it it shrinks right? Ahh I feel really ignorant when it comes to the matters of daily life. Let's just say that if you ask me what the square root of 64 is, I would have to think about the answer.

Ser Madre me a cambiado de muchas maneras, por supuesto para lo mejor, no me malinterpreten. Pero en veces me siento mas tonta puedo ver la imagen de mi cerebro encojiendose del  tamaño de un chicharo. Estoy demasiada ocupada preparando el desayuno, lavando la ropa, preparando citas para Beli, preguntándome qué  voy a preparar para la cena que no tengo el tiempo ni la energía para mantener a mi cerebro. Ya que el cerebro es un músculo, si no lo uso se encoje verdad? Ahh me siento muy ignorante en las cuestiones de la vida cotidiana. Digamos que si usted me pregunta cuál es la raíz cuadrada de 64, habría que pensar en la respuesta.


 I began to take notice when I was pregnant, as I began forgetting where I left the car keys, or if I turned the lights off in the hallway.  There are days when I feel frustrated that I can't do it all. I can't organize my time. Right now I'm feeling rather frustrated about my Croatian lessons to the point I just want to throw my arms in the air and say I give up. But I can't. I'm a fighter. This I learned from my parents. I'm not a quitter. It seems my college education is down the drain. I need motivation to stay current on my field of study but I can't. I'm lazy. I'm tired. I'm sleep deprived. I'm full of excuses aren't I? Tomorrow will be a better day!

Me empece a dar cuenta cuando estaba embarazada, empece a olvidar donde dejaba las llaves del coche, o si apague las luces en el pasillo. Hay dias cuando me siento frustrada porque no puedo hacerlo todo. No puedo organizar mi tiempo.  Tambien me siento frustrada por mis clases de croata hasta el punto de levantar  mis brazos en el aire y decir me doy por vencida. Pero no puedo. Soy una luchadora. Eso lo aprendi de mis Padres. Yo no soy  cobarde. Parece que mi educación universitaria esta por los  suelos. Necesito motivación para mantenerme al día en mi campo de estudio, pero no puedo. Soy una floja. Estoy cansada. Me falta dormir.Hoy estoy llena de excusas verdad? Manana tendre un mejor dia!

14 comments:

  1. You're on overload. I lost a whole five years after my daughter was born. I can't remember what the heck I did then. I know I didn't learn anything new.... and the brain is not a muscle. You don't have to use it, quite the opposite... don't abuse it – shut if off and let it rest! LOL!!!

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  2. Some days you just need to whine a little, be a couch potato, and re-energize! Just be patient with yourself...today! Baby yourself a little, and tomorrow.....right back on the road again WITH GUSTO!!! ^_^ I think all of us have had days like this!

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  3. Hello! I am here from Kaho's blog :)
    We are all in the same boat, don't worry. I haven't done much for three years after giving birth to my first daughter, except looking after her which is important for me. This year however I have decided to get control over my life again, and I am just doing it. It feels good. I am taking courses, I am doing a bit of shopping, I am making and selling things, and occasionally work for my previous employer. I have been inspired by other mums out there in the blogging community who seem to blossom after having kids, and I just want to feel the same :)
    Life is too short, embrace every day!
    Take care,
    Marie

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  4. No matter how busy please give your self 5 mins a day just for you. You dont have to work out calculations, just sit and be quiet and take a deep breath. Being a mum is hard work!

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  5. I feel like that sometimes and I'm not even a mom!

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  6. Croatian is a hard language but it can be done. Take use of your daily life routine, talking in the supermarkets, farmers markets, to your neighbours, on the phone, listening to the news especially Croatian cartoons with Belly. WHo says you got to learn it all in one year. What is important is that your husband and daughter understand you!

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  7. Maybe you don't it realize right now, but I'm sure you're learning and doing a lot of things. You're in a foreign country, a totally new culture AND you're growing a wonderfull little girl... somewhere in the future you will look back and you'll know that you had the time of your life: a pretty young mum, with a loving husband, in a sunny and exciting country. Everything is ahead you!
    Cheers, Alina from Timisoara (Temisvar)

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  8. In some psychology class, I learned that one of the most stressful times in a person's life - man, woman, or as a couple - is when they're children are very, very young. Perhaps this stress is making you more forgetful and too tired for more intellectual pursuits?

    Re your comment about the sea salt and brownies - yes, just sprinkle a very flakes on the brownies. The salt makes the chocolate very intense.

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  9. I.M. I had this professor in school and he told us that we had to 'challenge' ourselves, work out our brain. So I guess at this moment I am challenging myself to learning croatian but it's not working as good as I thought. But since the weather has been cold outside. I will take a break for today.


    @ Poetess.
    Hubby took Beli to his Mom's and I stayed indoors all day long under the covers reading a book. It felt good just being 'lazy' and not doing anything. LOL

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  10. Marie, thank your for your words of encouragement. It's reassuring to hear we are on the same boat. I have heard that as well, that after having kids creativity sparks, so I'm looking forward to that. Thank you again.

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  11. Simone, I agree we have to take a few minutes every day for ourselves. I promise no math calculations. LOL

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  12. What a lovely family.

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  13. Jelena, it is a difficult language to master but not impossible. I just have to take it slow.. (polako)

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  14. Alina, thank you for your kind words. My family keeps reassuring me that this is a wonderful experience I'm having, especially for Beli. It really helps to blog and sorta keep a 'journal' so one day I can look back and wonder why the heck I was complaining.LOL!

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